Friday, June 8, 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

The hardest part to me about anxiety.

The hardest part to me about anxiety is having to be dependent on people. Before the anxiety I had a job. I took care of myself completely. I was very independent and self reliant. Now, I can't go to the store, have a job, be at home alone. It's so ridiculous because with my logical mind, I say this is so easy. This is everyday stuff. But the anxiety tells me that I can't do it or otherwise you will die! I fight all the time to overcome this. I have got a lot better, because before I couldn't go anywhere, but now I can go some places as long as there is not a huge crowd of people. I know when I overcome this I will be a stronger person, but right now it's so hard! I have lost "friends" because I couldn't be there like they would have liked. I feel as though no one fully understands. I have been criticized by being called lazy and crazy. I have noticed that after a while people lose their compassion and patience with you. They expect for things to change over night and for you to get back to normal. But what they don't understand is that you don't want to be this way! They don't understand that you are tormented with fear that cripples you. Like I said earlier I know that I am going to overcome this and I am going to become a stronger person in the end! I am going through this for a reason. Hopefully through my experience I can help others. I am leaning on God. I hold on to his word. He said he would not leave us or forsake us. And I know that he is with me and helping through this time in my life.

Here is a prayer that I wrote before when I was having a panic attack:

Right now I feel like I wanna cry. I am sad because I feel like such a weak person. I have to rely on someone for everything. I want to be free! Free from the bondage of this anxiety! I miss the days when I Loved going to the store and shopping and NOT think or wonder if I am gonna have a panic attack. I feel trapped and this is going to be my life til the day that I die. PLEASE GOD HAVE MERCY ON ME! I am TIRED of fighting this. It seems that even though I try and try it only eases up for a short time. Lord I am reaching my hand towards you. I need you! Please take this burden off my shoulders. I want to be completely happy. I want to be a better daughter, mother, granddaughter, niece, friend, girlfriend and sister. I want for people to need me. Not for me to need them. I love you Lord and I know you will answer my prayers.

Mysterious Pain by Peggy Stewart

Mysterious Pain

With her head hung low
and nowhere to go

She can't explain
this mysterious pain

It comes on so fast
How long will it last

Her heart is just pounding, her head starts to spin
Please go away, she does not want you in

She's uncontrollably crying
It feels like she's dying

Her body is trembling, her hands start to shake
She feels so helpless with this horrible ache

Someone, please help her, make this go away
She can't stand to feel this way one more day

Someone, please help her, she's down on her knees
She's scared and helpless and hopes no one sees

With her head hung low
not knowing where to go

She tries to explain
This mysterious pain

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Lately I have been working on my anxiety by getting closer to God. I've been reading my bible. Reading a daily devotional.(Joyce Meyer's Confident woman.) Praying and listening to Christian music. Songs I love and that help are: Declaration, I smile and Imagine me by Kirk Franklin. I also have been reading a book by Joyce Meyers called The confident woman. I will put links to all below. I have come to a realization that this anxiety is something that I have to work hard to overcome, but I believe it is possible to overcome!

The Confident Woman.

Imagine me

I smile

Declaration

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Well, I've been doing a lot better with pushing myself to get out and do things that really make me anxious. I've been going to the store, even though I have to use a wheelchair, I'm doing it! If I walk around it makes me panic so sitting done in a wheelchair makes it to where I can actually stay in the store. But it seems with pushing myself to do things that make me anxious it's making my anxiety worse. But I know that it's all worth it because soon I will be able to go to the store without the wheelchair and walk around without being anxious. The key is not to give up when it gets hard. Just push through the fear and you will make it through to the other side. It's worth it! Don't get sucked back into your old ways of not following through, because you'll be too anxious. Do it because you know where it's gonna get you in the long run...you will be one step closer to getting your life back.

My life with anxiety

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