My Story.

Hi, my name is Nikki and I am starting this blog in hopes that it will help me to overcome my anxiety and in turn help others. I have suffered with anxiety for 10 years. It started when I was 18 years old. At the age of  18 I became pregnant and soon after  had a miscarriage. I  had to have surgery, lost a loved one, and my Grandfather became very ill, within months of each other. So as you can imagine I felt really overwhelmed by all these new and difficult situations(I had never experienced that kind of loss before hand)! So I became fearful of death,the hospital, and being out of control. If you suffer from anxiety you know what the symptoms are. It would start  out where my heart rate would go up, my chest would become tight, I felt like I was going to die! So I would go to the hospital, thinking I was having a heart attack. And they would tell me I was having an anxiety attack and send me home. I would have anxiety attacks almost every night. I would even have anxiety attacks while I was sleeping, that of coarse would wake me up.  They lasted for about 4 years and then almost completely went away for about  2 years. Then about 3 years ago, I found out I was pregnant, and had a beautiful little girl. Not too long afterwards, I starting feeling overwhelmed and anxious by the drastic change that having a baby causes. Its pretty common to have those emotions when you become a new mom, but mine escalated into anxiety, again. Then about five months after having my daughter, my Grandfather passed. That was really hard on me, because he raised me, so he was like a father to me. I was at a job, that  was full of drama and I was in a very unhealthy relationship. All this emotional turmoil started weighing me down and I became very bitter, angry and extremely anxious! One day while at work, a total stranger told me that I looked miserable and angry when he said that it was an awakening for me . I started looking for guidance from God and in the past couple of years I have, with God's help. been slowly changing and growing. Now, that God has worked on my anger  bitterness and even removed me from my toxic relationship he is working on my anxiety. Not too long ago, I was so anxiety ridden, I wouldn't even come out of my house! Now I am driving myself around town and even visiting with family and friends. I still struggle with being in public situations. I don't go to the store, restaurants or any kind of public places like that. So, this is why I started this blog. I really hope that by writing my personal struggles down, it will give me courage to overcome these hurdles.