The hardest part to me about anxiety.

The hardest part to me about anxiety is having to be dependent on people. Before the anxiety I had a job. I took care of myself completely. I was very independent and self reliant. Now, I can't go to the store, have a job, be at home alone. It's so ridiculous because with my logical mind, I say this is so easy. This is everyday stuff. But the anxiety tells me that I can't do it or otherwise you will die! I fight all the time to overcome this. I have got a lot better, because before I couldn't go anywhere, but now I  can go some places as long as there is not a huge crowd of people. I know when I overcome this I will be a stronger person, but right now it's so hard! I have lost "friends" because I couldn't be there like they would have liked.  I feel as though no one fully understands. I have been criticized by being called lazy and crazy. I have noticed that after a while people lose their compassion and patience with you. They expect for things to change over night and for you to get back to normal. But what they don't understand is that you don't want to be this way! They don't understand that you are tormented with fear that cripples you. Like I said earlier I know that I am going to overcome this and I am going to become a stronger person in the end! I am going through this for a reason. Hopefully through my experience I can help others. I am leaning on God. I hold on to his word. He said he would not leave us or forsake us. And I know that he is with me and helping through this time in my life.

Here is a prayer that  I wrote before when I was having a panic attack:

Right now I feel like I wanna cry. I am sad because I feel like such a weak person. I have to rely on someone for everything. I want to be free! Free from the bondage of this anxiety! I miss the days when I Loved going to the store and shopping and NOT think or wonder if I am gonna have a panic attack.  I feel trapped and this is going to be my life til the day that I die. PLEASE GOD HAVE MERCY ON ME! I am TIRED of fighting this. It seems that even though I try and try it only eases up for a short time. Lord I am reaching my hand towards you. I need you! Please take this burden off my shoulders. I want to be completely happy. I want to be a better daughter, mother, granddaughter, niece, friend, girlfriend and sister. I want for people to need me. Not for me to need them. I love you Lord and I know you will answer my prayers.